I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, although I do have my doubts sometimes. When I first got hard-ons and was able to ejaculate my masturbation fantasies were kind of weird. I used to think about an athlete with amazing statistics - he was mostly a basketball player, averaging 40 points a game, 11 rebounds, etc. etc. I believe he also played baseball or football or something. Not coincidentally, perhaps, this was around the time I believe when Bo Jackson was kicking butt in baseball and football. But I wasn't thinking about Bo Jackson, and I wasn't even thinking about Michael Jordan; who was closer to my heart since I rooted for the Bulls pretty passionately. But I didn't really think about the person in a physical way. But it was definitely a man. I didn't think about doing anything physical with him. I just thought about the awesome athletic accomplishments and ejaculated as I rubbed against the floor in my boxers.
I did have more normal fantasies. I remember masterbating to Cybil Shepherd's picture on the cover of TV Guide. She was on Moonlighting at the time.
As I've mentioned I don't really like female - or other - nudity. When I look at pictures or videos of women on the internet when I masterbate, they always have clothes on.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Miscellaneous
Despite the lack of attention, I'm pleased with this blog. I would enjoy some fame; that's hardly a confession. Plenty of people know that about me. But I often think about the existence of this blog and my various statements in it, and I'm pleased that they are out there, available for perusal. Even if they're not perused. So I press on.
One of my deeper, darker secrets is that I'm attracted to pretty darn young females. One may begin with the less distressing attraction I have to teenage stars - Britney Spears when she was 18 or what not. Hannah Montana at 16 or 17. That, I assume, is not so odious. These people are marketed on the assumption that males will take a shine to them. But I am also attracted to females somewhat younger. More in the Lolita age. Lolita like the movie and the book. I find myself sneaking a peek at my relatives, tween and preteen nieces. My thinking doesn't get very far but I'm aware of it.
I can't imagine I would ever act on one of this category of desires. I'm well aware of the enormous dire consequences associated with action. But damn they are cute. Yum.
I'm glad to have that out.
One of my deeper, darker secrets is that I'm attracted to pretty darn young females. One may begin with the less distressing attraction I have to teenage stars - Britney Spears when she was 18 or what not. Hannah Montana at 16 or 17. That, I assume, is not so odious. These people are marketed on the assumption that males will take a shine to them. But I am also attracted to females somewhat younger. More in the Lolita age. Lolita like the movie and the book. I find myself sneaking a peek at my relatives, tween and preteen nieces. My thinking doesn't get very far but I'm aware of it.
I can't imagine I would ever act on one of this category of desires. I'm well aware of the enormous dire consequences associated with action. But damn they are cute. Yum.
I'm glad to have that out.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sex
Well, I guess I have a lot of weirdness that could fall under this general category. Maybe I will get into some of the rest later.
My wife and I have had some sexual problems. She was a virgin when I married her. Which I guess is not that weird. Although she was probably old to be a virgin. But who knows maybe that's not that weird either. So, we made some furtive efforts at having sex. But she, being a virgin, was tight. Tight! It was very challenging getting the old penis in there. And it was painful for her, which made the situation more challenging. The other aspect that made it problematic was that I don't really care for female nudity - or male, for that matter. Particularly repugnant for me is the vagina. That all kind of screams grossness to me. So, anyway, when I would try to penetrate and be met with resistance I would go limp. The arousal would dissipate. That was very frustrating. Recriminations would ensue. Not shockingly.
Anyway, that's all confession-worthy, I suppose, but this especially is. So we'd been married over 4 years before we finally achieved penis-vaginal penetration! I know that was very embarrassing to my wife. And, obviously, it's very embarrassing to me. But you know I guess that's a testament to the importance of sex education - or something. Well, the thing that finally did the trick, well mostly, was a lubricant. It really facilitated the entry of my penis. I also came to accept her nudity a lot more. She also became way way better as far as not emotionally freaking out when we would not achieve penal penetration.
My wife and I have had some sexual problems. She was a virgin when I married her. Which I guess is not that weird. Although she was probably old to be a virgin. But who knows maybe that's not that weird either. So, we made some furtive efforts at having sex. But she, being a virgin, was tight. Tight! It was very challenging getting the old penis in there. And it was painful for her, which made the situation more challenging. The other aspect that made it problematic was that I don't really care for female nudity - or male, for that matter. Particularly repugnant for me is the vagina. That all kind of screams grossness to me. So, anyway, when I would try to penetrate and be met with resistance I would go limp. The arousal would dissipate. That was very frustrating. Recriminations would ensue. Not shockingly.
Anyway, that's all confession-worthy, I suppose, but this especially is. So we'd been married over 4 years before we finally achieved penis-vaginal penetration! I know that was very embarrassing to my wife. And, obviously, it's very embarrassing to me. But you know I guess that's a testament to the importance of sex education - or something. Well, the thing that finally did the trick, well mostly, was a lubricant. It really facilitated the entry of my penis. I also came to accept her nudity a lot more. She also became way way better as far as not emotionally freaking out when we would not achieve penal penetration.
My Wife's Fatness
My wife isn't fat, but she will be pretty soon. She's definitely getting fatter. I guess the thing about it is that it's like watching an accident happen. I feel rather helpless about it. I don't know what I can do to assist really. I suppose there are things. But the main thing about it is that it's going on. Who do I tell that my wife is getting fat?
She has a fairly significant belly. Her clothes are quite a bit tighter than they used to be. She's at that age where people get fatter. I guess that's most ages between 22 and 75.
She would be quite angry if she knew I were saying this. She I'm sure is practicing some self-deception about the situation. She is dimly aware that she's getting fat, but her talking about it or me talking about it to her would shine a very uncomfortable light on her pain.
I was going to say that I don't think less of her for this - the whole getting fat thing - but I do. Why should I sugar coat from my totally anonymous cocoon. She lacks self control. She eats to pass the time, the way people do. She's not that disciplined. To be sure, you need really extraordinary discipline to not eat some delicious chocolate. How many humans 20,000 years ago would've been able to?
It does make me less attracted to her. Which leads me to my next post.
She has a fairly significant belly. Her clothes are quite a bit tighter than they used to be. She's at that age where people get fatter. I guess that's most ages between 22 and 75.
She would be quite angry if she knew I were saying this. She I'm sure is practicing some self-deception about the situation. She is dimly aware that she's getting fat, but her talking about it or me talking about it to her would shine a very uncomfortable light on her pain.
I was going to say that I don't think less of her for this - the whole getting fat thing - but I do. Why should I sugar coat from my totally anonymous cocoon. She lacks self control. She eats to pass the time, the way people do. She's not that disciplined. To be sure, you need really extraordinary discipline to not eat some delicious chocolate. How many humans 20,000 years ago would've been able to?
It does make me less attracted to her. Which leads me to my next post.
Shit Cakes
My first secret concerns my shit. As time goes on I notice there are shit cakes on my anus. Hardened accretions of shit. It's pretty damn gross. Part of the grossness is that for the last couple of years I have felt that I should get rid of these gross things. So I cut them off. But that requires holding one in my hand and bending over awkwardly; tugging them off my ass. They're kind of sticky.
I feel like I'm a pretty thorough wiper of my shit. No worse than the ordinary person. So do others have similar shit cake problems? Do they not talk about it? Maybe I should just be a better wiper.
I feel like I'm a pretty thorough wiper of my shit. No worse than the ordinary person. So do others have similar shit cake problems? Do they not talk about it? Maybe I should just be a better wiper.
The Benefits of Secrecy
There are certain things I want to discuss - or at least express - but I don't want anyone to know I'm the one who is saying them. I will see how it goes with putting them in a blog. I don't believe anyone I know will find out it's me.
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